Arsehole.

It amazes me sometimes how easy it is to get me out of a bad mood. Well, it’s not easy, it just has to be something unexpected. For instance...

Nil.

Drinking is great. It makes everything you do excusable. Been rude at a dinner party? That's OK, you've had a few drinks. Started a ...

Twitter.

I've been using Twitter a lot this week. If you haven't discovered it, don't worry. It's a bit like discovering your local y...

The Kindness of Strangers.

 Yesterday I saw two people arguing in the park. They were both screaming at one another and one was crying. It was a sad sight. It's aw...

Chwist Almighty!

Ha ha ha!!! I said "Chwist" because I'm going to write about Jonathan Ross, a man who has a very slight lisp. That is brillian...

I Disgust Me.

I'm too excited about King of Everything. We've done very little work, yet Johnny and I are sure that we're going to have a very...

World's Laziest Blog.

Nothing much has happened to me over the last couple of days. I've done nothing. I should be working but I can't get my head round i...

Oscars, The Grouch.

I avoided seeing the list of nominees for this year's Academy Awards for good reason. Although I love the Oscars, even though I can full...

The Littlest Racist.

Christ Almighty, windmills are fucking brilliant. Imagine actually living in a windmill. You’d be the coolest kid in your street if you live...

Dotes.

I haven’t seen Dotes in nine years. Before that I hadn’t seen him in about seven years. There are many people who I know that I wish I could...

Norn Iron.

The thing that surprises me most any time I return to Northern Ireland is the amount of Northern Irish accents I hear. It’s almost as if eve...

The Conversation.

John Voce and I performed our show, The Conversation, last night at The Funny Side of Covent Garden. Not only was it the first time we'd...

Should Do Better.

I haven't been writing much about gigs lately. That's because they've been going well and who wants to read about that? Not me,...

Cooling Down.

I'm not too sure why I didn't write more about the Comeidans Annual Christmas Piss-Up but I think it's got more to do with my ...

KHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!

Another great human being is taken from us this January or, as I like to call it, Death Month 2000! Poor Khan. He didn’t really mean any har...

Charity Case.

Last night at the Comeidans Annual Christmas Piss-Up was a success. It was great to see so many people turn up and it was extremely nice of ...

Birds, Hair and Freida.

Clinging on to the little things in life that make you happy and having a big Darth Vader mug. Yes, that's the only way to get through...

Extra-Sensitive.

The tables have finally been turned, my friend. This morning I saw the shoe on the other foot right under my nose in front of my face. I w...

Do Not Pass Go.

I've deleted Monopoly from my phone. I must play it two or three times a day. Monopoly! Probably the most dull game in the world. Cert...

Celebrity Big Fucking Whoop.

There is a lot to be worried about in the world at the moment. The global economy is spiralling out of control, thousands of jobs are bein...

Wii Bitch.

I went to see Avenue Q last night and to my utter disappointment I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't like musicals very much and as for com...

Jazz MAN.

It's incredible what we do to waste time while we're on this ball of fury and fuck-ups called Earth waiting for the welcome, comfort...

Dallow, Spicer, Pinky, Cubitt.

Brighton is an amazing town. Brighton is fucking awful. I just haven't made up my mind. One one hand, it's full of vegetarian restau...

Weeeeeeeee-Ooooooooooh!

Well, it wasn't Johnny. A shame really because I think he would have brought something original to the role plus he might be able to int...